Empowering You to Achieve Happiness

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Symptoms of Grief and Loss in children and teens are similar

to those in adults and are following trauma and loss.

Symptoms of Grief & Loss overlap with some of those 

for acute stress, anxiety and depression and include:

• Disbelief, shock, & feeling numb
• Sadness/ Depressed Feelings
• Anger and Irritability
• Confusion / Feeling that nothing makes sense
• Overwhelm
• Hopelessness/ Helplessness
• Guilt 

While there are outliers, kids and teens don't know how to identifying or express their feelings as well as adults simply because they have less experience doing so.  

This means kids and teens can have a harder time letting us know 

what they are going through, even if they want to share. 

Answers like, "I'm good," or I'm fine," "I don't know," or answering "Nothing" when asked "What's wrong?" happen even when something is upsetting them. 

It doesn't even mean they're trying to withhold from us. It can simply mean they haven't fully digested what they've experienced or that they don't know how to translate it to us.

Depression in children and teenagers may not look like sadness and crying although it can. Often it manifests as an increase in acting out behaviors, irritability and angry outbursts.

Social withdrawal is another way depression can show up in kids and teens, along with low energy and not wanting to participate in activities they normal would have.

Poor concentration, especially in school is very common. 

Somatic Symptoms

(Headaches, stomach aches, muscle aches, and other physical symptoms are common)     

Negative self-talk, a drop in self-esteem, and feelings of worthlessness are an indicator of depression. However, these can be especially hard to notice since they are happening internally. Follow up if you hear your child say something harsh or negative about themselves. Don't just let it go. 

Checking in with children and teens when there are hard events going on and asking specifically if they are feeling angry, sad, or scared inside can be helpful as long as you don't over do it. Make sure you pay closer attention to their mood, behaviors and affect following trauma. 

Changes in eating: They may start eating much less or a lot more.

Changes in sleep: They may appear or say they are more tired or you may notice sharp increases in sleep. The opposite can also occur and they may having trouble falling or staying asleep. 

All of these symptoms can be normal following events that are acutely stressful or traumatic. However, if you find these symptoms are getting worse or are not getting steadily better, it is important to get professional help. 

Anxiety in children and teens can manifest as  an increase in acting out behaviors, more irritability, angry outbursts and significant difficulties concentrating.

Worrying more and thinking negative thoughts about themselves, others and life in general can happen. 

Children and teens can also become more fidgety and restlessness when they are anxious and may need to go to the bathroom more often.

It is common for children and teens to socially isolate and withdrawn when they are experiencing anxiety. They may want to stay close to home and not go out with friends. They may also seclude themselves in their rooms.  Going out into the world can feel intimidating after traumas such as accidents, disasters, and bullying, and they may push back against activities and errands that they would have participated in before.

Somatic symptoms such as headaches, stomach aches, muscle aches, and other physical symptoms are common in children with anxiety, especially since they have a harder time expressing feelings and asking directly for help. 

Appetite and sleep changes are also common.

 If They’re ok, let them be ok

Kids are really resilient and naturally present in their lives. They are also (hopefully) dealing with less exposure to the trauma such as having to be responsible for everything that needs to be handled in the aftermath. So if you're lucky and your kid is doing ok, don't push them to be hyper aware of everything going on and to process feelings that you think they are feeling; They may just be ok. Let them focus on friends, play and enjoy life as much as possible.

Stick to routines like eating meals together and playing games together.

The sooner you can get their lives to feel somewhat normal following a trauma, the sooner they will regulate and feel better.

Limit their exposure to repetitive news reports

Let them sleep in your room or with a light on if they’re having trouble sleeping

Loosening rules in the direction of comforting them and providing opportunities for extra moments of connection to you is always recommended following trauma. 

Educate them about all the good that is being done. 

Being able to picture what’s going on helps give kids a renewed sense of safety. It helps them focus on the positive amidst all the hard things going on.  

In the case of the Los Angeles Fires, for example, tell kids about the role of firefighters, police officers, paramedics, medical personnel, shelters, educators, churches, The Red Cross, FEMA and the thousands of other professionals and volunteers who are working together to help those who are in need. 

Noticing the good things that are happening can be difficult to focus on following tragedy, but it is an essential ingredient for healing our hearts.